Saturday, February 16, 2008


So, for some good news...back in July I finally bought the iPhone that I'd been drooling after. The bad news was, the price dropped $200 two months after I bought it. The good news (for Apple) was they "refunded" me $100, which was really just another devious scam by Steve Jobs since it had to be spent in an Apple store...and who's gonna spend just $100? So I bought another iPhone for Jerome at the New Low Price. Boy, that Steve Jobs...what a conniving prick...and I wish so much that he were my daddy.

Anyway, the bad news was...Jerome's iPhone was stolen a week ago. He had gone to Luxor around 2am to visit some friends because he used to work there as a bartender. He was at one of the bars showing the bartenders pictures of Joshua on his phone, then he set it down (why the hell would you set your IPHONE down on the bar on a crowded Saturday night??? Aargh!!!) and when he turned back around it was gone. He did the whole look-for-it thing - asked around, checked with security, etc. - to no avail. He tried calling his cell but no answer. Around 5am I called his cell and this time some guy answered. The conversation went like this:

Fucking iPhone Thief: "Hello?"
Pissed-Off Me: "Who is this?"
Fucking iPhone Thief: "Who is this?"
Pissed-Off Me: "Whose phone are you using?"
Fucking iPhone Thief: "I'm using my phone! My iPhone!"
(Idiot Jerome iPhone-Loser: "Great, now you pissed him off. Ask him where he is.")
Pissed-Off Me: "Where are you?"
Fucking iPhone Thief: "Albuquerque."
Fucking iPhone Thief's Accomplice: "Yeah, man, we're in Albuquerque!"
(Fucking iPhone Thief Low-Life Scumbag Cunt Motherfucker Shit-Sucker
Uncircumcised-Dick-Eater laughter.)
Click. They hung up on me.

A few seconds later my phone rang. I picked up the phone and clicked the receiver to answer, but I didn't say anything.

Fucking iPhone Thief: "Hello?"
Pissed-Off Me: Still silent.
Fucking iPhone Thief: "They're not saying anything. Ha, we got your iPhone, man!

A few seconds later my phone rang again. This time I let the machine pick it up, but they didn't leave a message.

So the next day, Monday, Jerome went to the Apple store to report his phone stolen and to buy a new iPhone. He asked if he could give them the serial number and have them block it so that if someone tries to activate the phone it would come up stolen, and could possibly be traced to that person. They said no. He took a deep breath. OK, cool, whatever. So he took out $500 and said he wanted to buy another iPhone. That's great, they said, except you can only buy an iPhone with a credit card. He said, "What?" They said that they only take credit cards on iPhones so they can keep track of how many are bought. He said, "Wait a minute. So you can track how many are bought by a credit card, but you can't trace a stolen iPhone?" They didn't really have a response to that. He said, "So what you're telling me is that Apple doesn't give a fuck about anyone but themselves?" After that delicately-put rhetorical question they asked him to leave.

Later that day he went back to the store with a credit card and bought an iPhone.

I did find a pretty cool web site where you can register your iPhone and make a custom wallpaper so that if you do lose your iPhone, and you're lucky enough that someone would want to return it to you, they can go on that web site and e-mail you. I also noticed something on my iPhone that I had overlooked before, and that is a setting where you can enter a passcode so that no one can use it (unless they figure out the passcode) if you do lose it.

So, the moral of the story is, don't lose your iPhone, if you do you're screwed, and if you decide to buy another one bring a credit card.

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