Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Night the Lights Went Out in Vegas

Jackie, Paul, me, Roland, and Joanie in our high limit room. Jackie and Joanie are two of the lovely bartenders who take care of our high limit players. It's always so nice when people know me from my web site and come in to visit. Thanks, guys - hope to see you again!

Another busy Saturday night, and NYNY participated in Earth Hour by turning off the external lights at 8:30pm for one hour. That was just great; I'm sure lots of money was saved and the Eskimos have another ice brick to complete that igloo and maybe even some angels got their wings. But when the lights came back on, the casino's computers went down, and suddenly anyone who cashed out from their slot machine got a "call attendant - hand pay" message. Even if it was just for a penny. So not only were people flagging me down to get a drink, everyone was yelling at me about their machines too. That was awesome. That lasted for about another hour, so NYNY should be commended for participating in their own little energy conservation party.

You know what else I love? When some loser says, "I'll take a Heineken. And your phone number." Seriously? Does that ever work? "Here's your Heineken. And my phone number. Please call me because guys hit on me all the time*...guys who are actually hot, who don't waste my time then stiff me, who don't think they're playas, who actually are the shit (as opposed to a piece of shit), but you - as Biz Markie so eloquently articulated in that heartfelt love song - you gots what I nee-eeds....".

And then there was this young couple who asked if they could have a double Jack and Coke and a double vodka cranberry. I said, "Sure." When I came back with their drinks, the guy took out a wad of bills and carefully selected one dollar and handed it to me. One fucking dollar, for two drinks with double shots. And then the guy said, with a big, friendly smile on his face, "Come back in five minutes." I just laughed. Are you out of your fucking tree? One dollar for two doubles, which I'm not supposed to do, and now you want me to come back in five minutes. Because it's not like I have other customers or anything. On a Saturday night. I'll just back away, bowing (because you're never supposed to turn your ass to royalty - I learned that from watching The Tudors), and head back to the bar and set my timer and diddle my doodle until it's time to come back. So exactly five minutes later, I came around taking orders, and the guy said, "We'll have another, the doubles." I said, "I'm sorry, we don't serve doubles." He gave me a confused look, "That's what you gave us last time." I said, "I did? I was probably just being nice. I'm not allowed to serve doubles." He said, "Uh...OK, just singles then." I shrugged, walked away and was taking orders from some other customers when he came up to me and said, "Oh, here's for the last round. You walked away too fast!" He was holding out a five. I smiled and said nothing. What an asswipe. He said, "Can we get those doubles now?" He was smiling, trying his best to butter me up. I said, "Sure. All you had to do was ask."

*This is a lie.

5 comments:

Chef Green said...

You complete me!

crystalsk8s said...

So glad I happened upon your site from LV Advisor. You don't mince words, which is a refreshing view from a cocktail doll. So glad I never stiffed a waitress for my martini. People can learn from you. I go to Vegas several times a year with my boss, for work and play. (She's cool too.)Maybe one day, us girls will stop by to say hi. Love your web page and enjoy reading your raw, truthful updates. -Suzy

J said...

I just read your blog. I think you're a great writer. I go to LV at least once a year. I don't play @ NYNY b/c their paytables suck. I do love the corned beef sandwiches at the faux NY themed deli, though. Keep writing!

SacramentoVoice said...

More please!

I just found your site and love it.

PP said...

I was searching other bar blogs and I happened upon your site. LOVE IT!!! I'm a female bartender as well and everything you said is right on point haha. If I had a dollar for every man who thinks its acceptable to ask me for my number and assume that I'll give it to him because I'm "at his service," it would almost make up for all of the horrible tips they left me. I can't wait for you next post!!